the LOLWR.US make lolcats from tweets

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@kevinpollak #yes

@danadearmond ok!

Can I do a set (of standup comedy) somewhere in LA tomorrow?

Just snuck up behind my uncle & pulled his finger, causing him to fart uncontrollably.

LA: I'm headlining the Hollywood Improv 6/23. New material. Tkts: http://t.co/RsQ23hE7 RT! cc: @ImprovComedyLA

"Give it away, give it away, give it away, give it away now." - chorus to the hit song, "Give It Away," by the Red Hot Chili Peppers #music

Not well. I just tasered my daughter's cat as a joke & it died. RT @McDonalds: Morning! How's everyone's week going?

BRB gonna take a little "Travolta Time-Out"

Maybe some day... http://t.co/2LC0jog3

Please webcast his showers. RT @nytimes: Dharun Ravi Sentenced to 30 Days in Tyler Clementi Bias-Crime Trial http://t.co/9d9CilOt

NEVER tell a woman her ass looks fat in a pair of jeans. Tell her it looks "husky."

.@HamburgerHelper I have crushing credit card debt & my wife has gingivitis. Can you help me? (p.s. I'm not a hamburger)

One man's trash is another man's wizard hat.

My son said he can "call farm animals on his magic telephone" today. Told him he better patent that shit. $$$

Just said "Wow, you don't see that every day!" about the eclipse & now everyone in my family hates me.

.@BarackObama WHEREFORE IS OUR LIFE-GIVING SUN BLOTTED OUT?!

Not sure what's happening to the sun right now but I shot my neighbor with a crossbow & put 4 potatoes up my ass just to be safe.

If a cop busts you with a prostitute, slip an engagement ring on her finger & be like "Joke's on you, bro; we're in love!"

Before my wife & I started dating, we'd been friends for years. Even before that, we got along pretty well as brother & sister.

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